i just need to write tonight, i mean instead of making chaos on my mood because i write my work, i prefer to post something on my, well, diary blog. i miss life. what? life? yes. life. i miss Indonesia, all my daily routine busy activities. i mean, i'm busy here with college stuff but it's not easy to get into connection to music world with my limited free time. in Indonesia, like germans said ,,alles ist möglich" means everything is possible. my mom could find it for me. everyone would find it for me. after all, i have to keep my score above otherwise i'll kill myself. seems like study is never enough and my effort doesn't pay the bill.
back to miss-indonesia-thingy: i do want ease that i can enjoy in my country! really! well doesn't mean living here is sosososoos hard, no no. i didn't say so. in some thing germany could find the way out more easily than there in indonesia. i just feel like want to eerrrr hug mommy and daddy and rana and grandmas and grandpa. i want a holiday like i used to do. now! and again, seems like i want to be free. i have passed almost all the test, i've done it my best, but there's still assignments left to be done. it won't stop! this things, this college things, won't stop. i'm so stressed out, not because it's too difficult to do but it's because i don't get enough time to be calm for a second. rare communication with mom and dad, it's like they always have so many thing to do. even my sister! yes i was like her too actually as i was in indonesia. never did group assignments cause i have many courses to go. haha! lack of communication with friends cause we're in different timezone, i mean how could i reach them if i sit in class and i can't text them in the middle of the night in indonesia. and again, i need some fresh air in the weekend: when most of friends need to be as lazy as they can be! God, should i become a weirdo walking alone with no destination?
again, i still can't think. i'm not sick or in sick condition, i'm not, well, literally alone. i'm not in very sad and pathetic and miserable point. the things around aren't that difficult, i mean they are, but it's not something impossible and anyway, this is something i have to take whether i like it or not, so i won't complain. i have weekend to study. i'm not in hunger everyday. but i'm still so lost. so lost that i can't manage my budget on food, clothes, any others. haaa! what's happening exactly???